In 18 years, I’ve lived in eight different houses and attended three different high schools. Now, just let that sit in your mind for a little bit. Eight houses, three high schools.

It’s the life of a military child, I move every ___ years. In retrospect, it’s an amazing experience: I get to see new places (I’ve lived in a foreign country for six years), I meet TONS of new people, get a taste of different cultures, etc. But when the move is happening/about to happen, it’s…well, its depressing.

Right now, I’m sitting in my empty room while the rest of my family finishes up the last boxes. They leave to Japan tomorrow morning, and I’m moving into a rented room. My family gone, another chapter. And just sitting in my room like this, with all the lights off and no music playing, I’m sad. I don’t know how else to put it. Distance, as I’ve come to accept, is and always will be a constant antagonist in my life. Because of this nomad lifestyle, I’ve lost friends, best friends, lovers, and (in twelve hours), family. Sure, that’s a pessimistic way of looking at things. But like I said, it’s a blessing in retrospect, but in the moment, like now, it takes it’s toll.

Not everyone knows what it’s like to grow up having to move all the time; it’s hard. I met my best friend, Robin Cruz, in the third grade and I moved away from him in seventh grade. I’ve only seen him twice since. Twice. Do you know what that’s like? We’ve both gone through countless experiences without each other: first shots, breakups, getting our licenses…we don’t create new memories together, laugh together, or simply grow up together the way best friends should be allowed to. Us military kids don’t get that privilege. I don’t get that privilege. I miss him, every single day. I wish I could’ve congratulated him on getting accepted into college in person, I wish I could’ve been with him during his breakups, I wish he could’ve came to my acoustic shows. But it simply can’t happen because we’re far away. Truth be told, it’s like we don’t even know each other anymore, not because of anything he did or that I did, but because our paths simply digressed in different directions. For a guy that likes to control as many aspects of his life as possible, I find that so unfair.

The two greatest loves (or, ex-loves) of my life ended because of long distance. That…I mean, I can’t even go into that. That’s a whole other post altogether, because that alone just makes me so angry at the distance. Lover’s don’t leave the same mark that best friends do, and losing two of them because I moved away? Hm, enough said.

I guess, just sitting in my empty room like this for the 4398439 time, I became diagnosed with a pretty severe case of nostalgia. I miss Japan, I miss Hawaii, I miss Robin Cruz, I miss Samantha Miyamoto, I miss my big brother…I don’t know. I usually try not to dwell on things, but it’s hard when I graduated with people I only met that year, and when the relationships I’m in end over the phone. It all seems so unfair. Why can’t I invite my child hood friends to my birthdays? Why can’t I visit old hang out spots? Why can’t I at least get broken up with in person? I just…I don’t know. I have to finish packing.

-AA